A Confident Child

Now your child is growing older it is even more important that you provide a positive role model for your child.  We are all a product of our upbringing and early environment.  We are conditioned to respond to certain situations and stimuli. 

In Victorian times, and in some societies in our modern world, children were expected “to be seen but not heard!”  How could that possibly instill a sense of self worth into a child?  They are so valuable to their parents, that the adult would prefer them to pretend they weren’t there!  No wonder children brought up in this type of environment lack confidence and belief in themselves.

If as a child, all you hear is your parents moaning and complaining about how hard life is, how difficult EVERYONE else makes their job, how awful the boss is, it is easy to see how the child can become negative about the world in general. 

Don’t let them hear you saying you can’t do x, y or z.   Actions speak louder than words so if there is something you are afraid of doing, why not see can you beat that fear.  Parents who approach everything in life with a “I can do that” attitude are much more likely to raise confident kids.

So try putting on a pair of rose tinted glasses especially around your kids.   Make an effort to make positive statements and see the silver lining in all the dark clouds.  Give your children the chance to be a positive, well rounded human being and you never know you may enjoy life a little better as well.

We live in a time pressed society where everyone is so busy working, paying bills and constantly trying to catch up on life.  With the current economic downturn, more of us are stressed over the bills and our jobs.  Children don’t understand that it is outside influences that are causing mum and dad to be snappy or hassled – they can very easily believe that they have done something wrong. 

So try to take some time out and take your kids out to the park for some fun. Or play a board game with them.  There is nothing like children’s laughter to melt away your problems or worries if only for a little while.   And children don’t need expensive toys and games to be happy.  They need love and attention from the people that matters most to them i.e. you.

Create a happy safe family environment in your home where everyone, regardless of age, is respected and admired.  

Children, like adults, need affection.  They need to know that someone loves them enough to give them time, cuddles, attention.  Kids will be more confident in themselves if their parents actually seem to enjoy their company. If their parents make time to play with them and amuse them rather than sending them in to watch TV or play with their toys, they will have higher self esteem.

On the topic of TV, limit how much television your child watches.  TV and computers don’t help to stimulate your child’s imagination or creativity if overused.  Children are much better off outdoors exploring their back gardens then indoors watching an educational nature program on the TV. 

Children are curious by nature – that is how they learn. Encourage your child to discover the world for himself whilst at the same time keeping him out of danger. So whilst you might not relish them tasting an ant as my boy did, the ant won’t harm him.  It helps to keep things in perspective.  Kids need to get dirty be it whilst they are painting or playing in the mud.  Clothes can be washed, repaired or replaced – childhood memories of fun and laughter can’t!

In fact the trend for parents, schools and childcare facilities today not to let children be kids in case they hurt themselves is not conducive to creating positive confident adults.  If we are constantly telling our children that the world is a bad place, full of people who will hurt them, how can we expect them to grow into well rounded individuals?  They are more likely to be scared of their own shadows! 

So what can you do?  Well firstly put things into perspective.  The dangers have always been there in some shape or form.   Unfortunately children have been abused and mistreated since time began.  Tragic cases like Madeline McCann are unusual and not the norm.  So if your child wants to walk to school by themselves, meet them halfway if it is safe to do so.  For younger children, rather than walk them to the classroom door, why not try leaving them at the school gates. You can wait discretely to make sure that they haven’t come out again.

So how do we nurture our kids to become confident without turning them into spoilt brats!  Well, most kids will copy their parents so actions speak louder than words.  If you are constantly shouting at or disrespecting your partner, then you cannot expect your child to be respectful to other people. 

Be careful not to criticise your child.  Recent studies have shown that over 90% of the communication that a child hears before their 5th birthday will be negative. Think about it.  We often criticise our kids without meaning to hurt them or attack them.  How often have you said to your child “you are so messy – your toys are everywhere!”, or “your writing is so untidy” or “why can’t you behave like Jonny down the street”.

As parents, most of us are not intentionally hurting our children but if, as a child, all you hear is “don’t do that” or “you are untidy, lazy, irresponsible, not as good as Jonny etc”, then you are either going to do one to two things.  The child will believe that he is always bad no matter what he does so he might as well act up.  He becomes rebellious, aggressive and very hard to manage.  Or he believes that he is totally worthless so gives up trying and becomes withdrawn, lacking in confidence and suffering poor self esteem.